First Time Drama

[ladylightning]

Ok guys, new to the site. Be gentle =P

I had some major issues with intimacy to get through on my first time. I was 22, and felt like I should have lost my virginity ages ago... but due to personal fears and past experiences with guys I'd never had a proper boyfriend until then. A good friend of mine asked me out and I decided it was time to man up (so to speak) or stay cold and alone in an early spinsterdom existance.

We started dating. He'd slept with other people, and that made me nervous. But he couldn't really hide his attraction to me, and knowing I was physically wanted really helped me to feel more secure about my body, and helped with the paranoias of "I have an ugly body" or "there must be something wrong with me" issues which had developed in my mind due to not having had a boyfriend for years.

The day after it happened, I wrote about it in my diary. Hope this isn't too much information for you, but this place seems pretty open.

"I totally had sex. Oh yeah. *Self five!*

But OHMYGOD THE PAIN! I'm not a pansy about pain but my Goddd. It was just ridiculous. Oooh, sensual, my insides are ripping! Had to stop him. Tried again. Stopped him again and proceded to become really pissy. He was fine with it (apparently) but I felt like an *emo face* faaaailuuure! I think it was less depressed emotion though and more annoyance that I couldn't master the pain. (DAMNIT!)

*Later on in the entry*

Later, I decided to take the plunge because (DAMNIT!) I was not leaving my visit to his on a sour note. No way, no how.

I was still scared, and felt gross or stupid, asking him to stretch me out more first. But it helped and soon enough, we were trying again. It hurt again at first, but not quite as badly as before. (He always stopped when I asked him to and was very gentle.) The pain faded and before I knew it he was really going for it. Felt smug and happy that I could make him feel good."

Was ridiculously happy to find I'm not too shabby at sex.

Demanded a shower right after, and came back to find the bed covered in blood. In an incredulous voice I boomed possibly the biggest faux pas for the situation:

Me: "Oh my GOD!! I was like a WOUNDED ANIMAL!!"
Him: "Wha-?"
Me: "I've left a TRAIL!!!"

Yep, whenever I look back to my first time all I can think is 'I'm a sexy beast... a sexy wounded beast!'

But maybe that's just my odd sense of humour.

I then proceded to get a bitchin' water infection, which was far from pleasant.

[shadow]

As your friend I feel entitled to respond like thus: ahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahaahaha.

But anyway. I think that is a brilliant first time story, if nothing else it is a wonderful insight into how it's not rainbows and butterflies as media makes it out to be. And I can tell from your writing that you actually quite enjoyed it. You seem fairly pleased. =]

Also- that hallway comment before - wonderful...

[ladylightning]

Oh you just wait, all kinds of hallway puns are headed your way.

Glad to find it amused you my dear. I was a little worried I'd shared too much and been to much like my crazy self before the forum got used to me or something.

And yeah, less sunshine and rainbows and more blood, pain and inner pep talks. Though obviously I did get into it at the end. =P

[shadow]

Oh.. wait.. bother, I walked right into that one didn't I?

Oh please, we are all crazy here. And if you think you've shared too much, you obviously haven't stalked me enough on here.

[mercurial]

Oh my god I love your sense of humor!! A sexy beast -- a sexy WOUNDED beast!!

I'm glad you had a good first time, despite the pain! I agree with Shadow; I can just tell by your writing that you seem very happy with how it went, and that's all anyone can ask for, right?

I love hearing everyone's stories, by the way. I was 18, going on 19, when I lost my virginity. I thought I was too old and undesirable at that age too. Although now I look back and see nothing wrong with it at all. Crazy how society makes us think. :/

PS Welcome to the site, and I look forward to getting to know you better!

[ladylightning]

Curses! My writing makes me so transparent! =P

Yeah I was sure there was something wrong with me, but now I'm so glad I waited until I was ready. I feel really bad for all the pressure there is for girls to put out.

Whenever I said I was lonely people genuinely asked "So... what? Like you've not had sex in a long time or something?" And I'd be like "yeah... sure. So...er... long." and not want to admit that I had never done THE DEED.

Stupid society!

Thanks for the warm welcome. I'm loving this place already! =D x

[plethorian]

Amazing story!! Sounds like a pretty decent go at it, and if a guy can't handle a wounded gazelle, he doesn't deserve to hunt the gazelle at all anyways. Okay, that metaphor got weird.

I was 16 for mine and for some reason it didn't hurt more than normal and I didn't bleed at all, to my knowledge. Lucky, I guess! Whee! But at least it ended on a good note, eh? Wouldn't be such a good story if you had ended it earlier and both left with a sour mood!

[ladylightning]

Pshh the best metaphors are the weird ones =P

Veeery lucky! I'm glad not everyone has to go through pain. And yeah, thank goodness we tried again or I would have been... I don't know, embarrassed or sad that I couldn't manage the pain when a bazillion other people must have been in pain and just got on with it. x

[shadow]

I think I was fortunate that growing up with Christian friends who want to save until marriage meant that I never felt out of place for being a virgin until I was... 19/20 (cos, you know, I don't have a date so I don't know how old I was).

Even at uni, my flat mates who were all sleeping with people didn't give me any grief for it. They were just like 'kudos to you'. Though obviously I wasn't waiting for marriage, just the right person.
I think the only people who teased me were my school friends who decided I would be the last to loose it because I was a Christian and would wait until I was married. I don't know where they got that idea from, and besides, I am the second in the group to get engaged. and the third one to loose their v-card. I think four out of the eight are still virgins. So now I'm like... ya really? Last one? Don't you know me at all?

[Alyssa]

That was probably one of the most entertaining first time stories I've read. It's good that you were able to get through the pain and end up enjoying yourself! I guess I was blessed with not having any pain or blood my first time.

shadow, I was the same way. Most of my friends were Christian and hadn't had a boyfriend or done anything either, so in my social group I wasn't abnormal. But I still felt like I was "too old" do have never had sex. But it was my boyfriend's first time as well, and he's 2 years older than me, so at least we were in it together, haha.

[triplash]

I laughed! Hilarious but beautiful!