Being chatted up

[shadow]

I know this is really petty, but I just want to have a bit of a pity party and was wondering if you guys have any ideas.

I have never been chatted up in a bar. While this isn't at all a problem (I am engaged after all) whenever I go out with my friend, she always gets chatted up. We are both tall, slimish and we dress in the same style and have the same type of personality when we're out -cool and calmly confident. We both have long brunette hair, though she has brown eyes and I have blue. I know that she is pretty and I think that I am fairly nice looking. So I just don't know what it is. As I said, I don't really mind, but it would be nice to receive at little bit of attention when I am out. Ah well.

[Alyssa]

Do you wear an engagement ring when you go out?

[boodleswithtonic]

If you're not wearing your ring, or giving guys a stink eye (consciously or not) it could be a combination of body language and the invisible personal space barrier we all have. Yours just might be like mine and more visible to those shall we say less bold fellows unless you're actively keeping your body open and making eye flirtiness with people.

[shadow]

I only wore it the latest time, but I've only been engaged a year and haven't been on a girly night often, so I don't think it's that, as it happened before I got engaged too.
The personal space thing might be it though. I did research into interpersonal distance and I know my bubble is pretty large. I haven't been aware of it being obvious to other people though.
I also chatted to my OH about it and we did have the idea that I look quite young whereas my friend can look a bit older (she is in fact only 4 months older than me) so that might contribute towards it?

[Alyssa]

I was thinking it could have to do with body language too. Even though you don't notice it, you might be sending off an "I'm taken" or a "don't even try" vibe. I don't know how old you are, so I don't know if you look your age or not, but that could definitely be it too.

[boodleswithtonic]

That could definitely be it! Especially if you appear young enough they might want to card you before chatting freely. =^.^=
I've noticed that body language can effect other's perceptions of your personal space. Not that we really have a visible bubble, though a giant hamster ball could be useful sometimes... Crossed arms, crossed legs, steady eye contact (challenging and scary) instead of flirty (open and submissive), even feeling a bit nervous can show on your face and tense your muscles enough to be a barrier without being enough that you'd notice yourself.
It's tricky to do, but next time maybe make an active choice to observe yourself and those around you. Channeling David Attenborough style commentary in my head when I'm out (super rare) and my sister is getting hit on by everyone (every single time) while I'm dancing with myself drinking drinks I bought everything just seems easier to pick apart. =) It's silly, but it makes social settings fun in a whole new way.
Also, most guys out for a quick flirt/pick up, will avoid a girl who doesn't look like she'd put up with bullshit.

[shadow]

Aw thanks guys. As I said I know it's petty and shallow but sometimes I want a share of attention.

I'm going out twice next week so I may bare the advice in mind and see how much leering I get. Though one of those times I am going out on a stag night with my OH ...